Recently I have been thinking about how life is divided into stages. Societal and cultural stereotypes create certain “expectations” at these “stages”. In high school we are bombarded with, “What colleges are you applying to?”. Then in college we are immediately expected to know what we are going to do for the rest of our lives- “What are you majoring in?”, “What are you going to do when you graduate?”. And God forbid you, “Don’t know”.
Right after college we are expected to be dating and in serious relationships, and if we aren’t the questions are, “Why are you single?”,and “Who are you dating?”. And then as soon as you have been dating someone for any length of time it becomes, “When do you think you will get engaged?”. Then comes the engagement and the ring. Before you can even have your ring sized the world wants to know , “When is the wedding?”. Literally the day after you get married the question then becomes, ” When will you have kids?” and “Are you trying for a baby?”. Um huh? I just worked my butt off to get super fit for my wedding- no I’m not ready to have a baby yet! Plus, I want to travel and enjoy time being a newlywed! I personally have experienced this every day for the past year. Now, I don’t mind when close friends or family inquire, but when the random CVS clerk inquires or the guy installing the new cable system asks, then it’s just weird. The best is when people ask your age and then give you that “look”. You know- the “look”- the eek you are getting older, you might want to hit that next “stage”. I’m still 31 and I have had people tell me I better “hurry”. Hurry?! I thought I was doing pretty well, but it seems there is a rush to hit the next stage.
It is interesting too how societal expectations and trends differ according to location. Many of our friends in DC and NYC are single, whereas most of our friends in FL are married and have children. I love seeing my friends having children. It is the most amazing thing! And even more fun, is seeing friends be parents. The girls who danced every Thursday and Friday nights with you- the girls who took shots with you and stayed up until 4am talking. I still see my friends as those “girls” but now they are moms & wives! Pretty weird and cool, all at the same time! And seeing friends as career women and men. The same friends who you went to drama camp with and swore you would all be famous actresses/actors one day.
Even crazier is seeing younger siblings grow up. My younger brother is getting married next month and he’s a lawyer! But to me he is still my “younger” brother- and how can this be? How can it be that my little sister and brother are almost done with undergraduate degrees? I feel as though I just got my undergraduate degree. How did the last 8 years go by so fast?
I feel as though these milestones and stages are coming so quickly. I vividly remember so many things that took place over 10 years ago, that somehow seem like yesterday in a way. Working PRN at the nursing home some weekends, also makes me truly ponder life and how quickly time goes by. A stage of life I don’t think anyone looks forward to, is that stage where everyone you know is dying. Can you imagine how weird that must be? You think it’s weird when all your friends are getting married– imagine this. My 90 year old patients make comments such as, ” Oh well I had 5 children, but 3 have passed” and ” most of my friends are gone”. Sorry, I don’t mean to be a debbie downer, however this is real life and it happens! It is one of the “stages” I am referring to.
I feel this is why it is important to truly live every day to its fullest and enjoy every moment. Time goes by so fast. We go through the “stages” so quickly, and before we know it life has passed us. I try so hard to not think, ” I can’t wait until the weekend”. I want to enjoy Monday and Tuesday just as much as Saturday and Sunday. I mean if we only live for weekends we are ignoring a huge portion of our life.
I recently read a fabulous book which I highly recommend ( especially to my fellow therapy friends). The book “Still Alice”, of which the movie with Julianne Moore is based on- tells the story of a woman with early onset Alzheimer’s disease. It is fascinating, and truly makes you feel what it would be like to start losing all memory. Memories are my most treasured thing. I can’t imagine losing them and how frustrating that would be. It is how we cope with those who aren’t here anymore. It is how we make decisions and reflect on our lives. Without our memory and the amazing moments stored deep in us, how can one be who they truly are?
I also have to recommend the movie ” The Good Lie” with Reese Witherspoon. We watched it last weekend after a fabulous surprise anniversary trip to NYC and seeing “Phantom of the Opera” on broadway! Amazing!! But yes, great movie and a “must see”. Based on a true story and very uplifting.
And just one more recommendation for this post– I made this delicious recipe. The link is below for details. The roasted vegetables were super yummy!
And until next time— don’t worry about your “stage” or if you are doing what everyone thinks you should be doing. It is your life. Live it how you want to- because you only got 1 shot at it 🙂
<3, Kinz
Keeping up with Kinz 